Salsa!
i went salsa dancing last night, we happenned to have an oportunity on campus. i realized (something i already knew, but it was nice to have the comfirmation) that it is a very passionate dance. one girl was helping me try and teach janice how to do it, and said to move like you are having sex, so you know that kinda confirmed it. i am a very passionate person, then add the fact that i am passionate about music, then add that im rather passionate about dancing, do you see the problem i have yet? well i’ll iluminate it a little further. i wanted to dance, so i danced by myself, then i saw that there were actually guys there, that could dance very well! shocking for me who comes from a town where most guys can’t dance, let alone salsa. and i wanted very much to dance with a guy who knew what he was doing. and this is where my problem comes in. i’m too much of a passionate person to dance salsa with a stranger, why? because i would be too passionate in the dancing and give him the wrong idea. so even though i was asked to dance several times, i declined, because i couldn’t trust them not to cop a feel or get a boner while dancing with me, and i knew that i would be in some way leading them on due to my nature. my boyfriend thinks i should have danced with at least one of them. he does not understand my folly. i am an unwitting flirt. i am rather good at salsa, too good in certain aspect (ie the passion). so i left early from the night because i was starting to feel precotious, and stared at.
listening to new music
music and i are dear old friends. getting new music on my computer is like being proposed to by someone you’ve always been in love with, at least it is for me. not many things can make me smile more than a new song, even harder than a new song that has meaning behind it, so i’m very happy today. just a few “new” songs. they’re technically old, but they’re songs that i get stuck in my head and look up on youtube just so i can hear the song, so yea. i’m just thinking about how the melodies and counter melodies and the words just come together to form an emotion a though a feeling so plainly shown, and i wish i could create something so wonderful. my brother can write music, and lyrics, that come together, i tried once, i’m not that talented.
i mean some music you just have to move to, so i’m dancing while typing here, and other make you think, and others oh god, you should know, music is can be as good as sex if you find the stuff that makes you happy, no joke. it feels good to let lose especially when you’ve been cooped up….
i think i’m done with this
its been a long day…week…. whatever
so i quit my job yesterday, ifeel tons better now, and the crisis that david was having has been averted thank god!, i was gonna be having serious issues if it didn’t… yea
last weekend’s GRRR-ness and 
-ness has worn off now, and i’m just kinda drifting… as for my story, i’ve stopped for the next few days till inspiration hits agian, which shouldn’t take too long…. i’m looking for a job as fast as i can on campus, because apparently i have to work here on campus before i can get a job elsewhere, really stupid but i’ll live.
i just turned in an essay and the teacher told us to go through it and write down every verb that we use, and unfortunately throough that process i found a bunch of mistakes and things i wanted to change, but by that point it was already to late. oh well, better luck next time i geuss… when i readd over the essay i didn’t see any of these mistakes, but thats what the human mid does, it makes everything right, which is why i love having people read over my final draft before i turn it in, but no body wanted to do that for me yesterday, but oh well, i’ll live.
i have pe in a little less than 2 hours and i really don’t feel up to going,but i’ll have some coffee and sing another tune.
there’s this really awesome girl in my english class, who, i swear, has little fucking rays of sunshine just comng out of her ass. or at least that’s what i’d say if i was angry, but she’s really nice and has all these interesting ideas to make the world a more happy place. i haven’t heard her say anything bad or mean about anything, and she’s always smiling, it’d be creepy if i didn’t know her philosophy which is similar to mine. everything can be changed with a smile, if you just let things go and continue on your day and not let that one bad instacne affect your day, you willbe ok, as long as you can smile/laugh, the world is not over yet and you can function.
sorry that was a bunch of run on sentances, but i don’t feel like fixing them, so deal with it ;D
anyways…there’s my rant for the day
Carpe Diem
*sigh* what a weekend
lets just leave it at that… if you really want to know, ask, i have to get a word from my sponsor on who i can tell and not tell… the sponsor bit is sarcasm, he’s not my sponsor, just a wonderful person who happens to hold the key to my heart… yadda yadda, you’ve all heard it before and nothing has changed. still love him… still slogging theough the mess we call life… but now i’m attempting to write a story based on it… i’m calling it, “talking with myself” and its pretty much about a middle aged woman looking back on a relationship she had with this great guy, and how she’s alone now… not sure why she’s alone yet, but she is, and she’s just going through assorted memories… its ok… maybe one of these days i’ll post it up here… but yea. there’s my story idea… i also had this idea to have my poems published in a book, but since me poems have no titles half the time, it thought it’d be cool to have a book of strictly non titled works, and have a cool title like “walking in the mud”, then having a sequel titled “walking in the rain” but its probably been done before, and i have no idea how to do it… anywho
thanks for tuning in, we’ll see you next time on read my babble
Carpe Diem
another poem written in class…. really think about this one though
Standing alone,
Reaching up,
to the sky,
to the sun
to the worlds beyond,
Growing,
Changing,
through the adversity,
the wind,
the rain,
the fog,
and mistreatment,
but still standing Alone,
Reaching up,
with roots in the ground
and leaves on the branches
and wind rustling by,
the Tree stands alone through it all,
and Gives me Hope.
September 15, 2008
i’m going home shortly
i’m going to go squish grapes with my feet for wine tomorrow. so i’ll be seeing David. sorry everyone, i can’t stay through sunday i have to come back down for a meeting for work on sunday morning at 10 am, i don’t go i don’t have the job. so sorry. but i’m gonna be at home, i get to sleep in my own bed, see my kitty. be bored in a totaly new way (well old, but it will have a new feeling to it) i’m already feeling trapped at thinking about going up home. i have a lot of weird freedom here even though i don’t have a car, i have the freedom to do whatever pops into my head and its all just a short bus ride away.
but yes i’m going “home”. home is now the bay area, if not mills specifically, but i will being seeing who makes a house a home for me tomorrow morning.
thank you all for your support in my down periods, i’ve been taking Dong Quai and Wild Yam pills that really help me out, so yea
poem i wrote in chem
The heart aches,
it weeps, it mourns.
Its visions of youth
fleeting
with the eyes’ loss of happy sight
and the skin’s loss of true sensation
the heart carries the sorrow of all.
The Heart misses its fellow Heart
misses the warmth of the embrace;
the closeness of the kiss;
the togetherness of being;
The heart aches with its loss.
When will the eyes see joy again?
When will the hands feel hands again?
When will the skin feel true sensation again?
When will the Heart be relieved of its ache,
and Feel joy
and warmth
and Togetherness?
the When is too long.
sept 10, 2008
the temperature here has returned to normal
its finally cool again. its kinda of wonderful… i’m actually wearing a sweater, the sleeves are rolled up, but i’m enjoying being chilly. today i feel like i look like a BABE. my Hair Feels like its in that sexy wind swept do… it probably looks like crap but, i feel like i look amazing. jeans, low cut t, and awesome hair… no makeup but that can be easily fixed… i’m making plans with one of my Friends back home to see if she can visit for a couple days this weekend. so i’m feeling GOOD.i hope i look as good as i feel, i probabaly look like crap but oh well… i love this song that i’m listenning to: “martyr for my for you” White Stripes… its kinda awesome to type to. the beat and melody work perfectly for typing…. its a sad song though. meh i don’t care i t works for me right now… i’m feeling the grove
my boyfriend actually told me to listen to it when we first started dating, he thought we wouldn’t last all that long so he wanted to make sure that… i don’t know what he was going for actually… it was funny when i brought it up on this Camping trip that my friedns do every year:
we were listening to it on an ipod hooked up to some speakers, and he said that it was a perfect breakup song. i then asked him why he had me listen to it back in January when we got together, and he said what i just explained in the previous paragraph…
i though it was funny anyways… neither one of us thought we’d last, not that we didn’t want it to last, we just thought that maybe we weren’t best for eachother and that other people would get in the way… but we proved ourselves wrong. right now we’re just trying to get through the seperation we’re dealing with right now..its not a big one, but its really trying. but its only a year, i have to keep telling m yself that, its only a year…. course a year is a long time in regards to our relationship currently, but in the grand scheme of things its really not that long of a time…. i think we can do this…not happily or easily, but we want to stay together and make it all work, so it will…. right? well, i have a bunch of optimism right now, so yes!!!!!
soooo i’m not going to San Fran today….
not by choice though… i was going to go with them… but either they didn’t want me to go, or they didn’t know i wanted to go…. yay me…. i’m alone and reduced to actually doing homework… i’m bored and lonely once again…but otherwise i’m ok
carpe diem
sometimes, things get a little better
Carlyle and Jamie took me to Berkely today… it cheered me up a bit. i’d like to think they did it because they realized something was wrong with me, but they really don’t know that much about me. they can’t tell my moods yet. which is a bummer…. but me mum is bringing me down the herbal stuff that helps keep this all at bay. the only thing that would be better is having David come down, he can always bring me back into reality. maybe i rely on him too much, i can only imagine how overwhelming it is to have me depend on him to keep me same in my moment of deep seated sorrow and disgrace. i feel like i’m expecting too much, like i’m a huge Fucking burden, but he claims i’m not, and that he doesn’t do anything to bring me back… he does though… but he can’t come down. he has to work his ass off so he can come down in a couple weeks and stay the weekend. so i’ll live with the herbal supplement. and perhaps jeff can come down…. that would be helpful too….
anyways, i just wanted to say i’m not that bad off right now… and i’ll be better
carpe deim
